Bert is Evil!:

Interview with Lefty

The following is an interview with Oscar the Lefty, currently serving a life sentence for involvement in the death of Forgetful Jones and involvement in the Murder of Mr. Hooper.
 

Interviewer: How long have you known Bert?

Lefty: Been awhile now. 

Interviewer: What is your opinion?

Lefty: Well... thanks to him I am serving a life sentence in prision.

Interviewer: He was involved?

Lefty: Yeah... up until I met him I was a honest guy dealing things like letters and numbers.  Bert introduced me to stuff like marijuana, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy and showed me how I could make a mint selling it to members of the cast.

Interviewer:  So did a lot of the cast do drugs?

Lefty: Yeah, the were quite a few.  Oscar took steroids, Elmo frequently uses ecstasy, Cookie Monster likes weed and mushrooms, few knew Kermit did but he became a heroin addict after experimenting with weed, Grover was a heavy acid user. it took it's toll on him, forgetful is gone now,  Big Bird used mood pills, Bert did more -CUT- then anyone I know.

Interviewer: That's quit a list

Lefty: I know, I would often tell Bert we were going to get caught, he would just laugh as he shot up.  I see now what he was laughing about.

Interviewer: Kermit the Frog Came out recently anouncing he has AIDs, any idea how he may have contracted it?

Lefty: Probably got a bad needle, Bert never was careful about his sources of them, to him it was all a big joke.

Interviewer: Bert seems to be responsible for a lot.

Lefty: Yeah, Forgetful Jones they say he OD, but I doubt it, bert was after all the last person to see him alive.


Interviewer: You think he is responsible for the death?

Lefty: Of Course.

Interviewer: You suspect he murdered someone else?

Lefty: Yeah, but most of us Muppets know better then to go to the police about Bert.

Interviewer: Why is that?

Lefty: Cause he owns them, that's why.

Interviewer: But how?

Lefty: Bert has a lot of power, heck he has connections into the Illuminati, he is not just another Muppet.

Interviewer: I find this all very hard to swallow.

Lefty: Don't let his geeky appearance fool you, he is is a very cunning and evil force.

Interviewer: Bert is Evil?
 
Lefty: You don't know the half of it.
 
A week later Lefty was found hanging in his Cell by his neck. Was it the work of Bert?  Perhaps.  Maybe he feared Left was ready to inform.
 

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